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Literature Text
Loving you was like stepping
into another world, young and
filled with the fragile hope
of new life, blooming with the
intensity of light, that is only
born from never knowing darkness.
It must have been a shock for
you to slip into my world, my
home, and find innocence stripped
down to the bare, rough wood
naivete abandoned by the curb and
the dark hues of cynicism
immaculately brushed onto every wall.
into another world, young and
filled with the fragile hope
of new life, blooming with the
intensity of light, that is only
born from never knowing darkness.
It must have been a shock for
you to slip into my world, my
home, and find innocence stripped
down to the bare, rough wood
naivete abandoned by the curb and
the dark hues of cynicism
immaculately brushed onto every wall.
Literature
for Mids
your photos told stories
of the adventures you've
had - oh the places you
went!
your poems, more like
rants, had your voice
boom inside my mind,
echoing.
soon after you deleted your account,
I swore I would write to you...
but I never did, not as often as
I would have liked to, anyway.
next time I go out,
I'll take pictures
of flowers and 'scapes,
just for you, my friend.
next time I write a
poem, I will remember
how your words always
were full of volume.
Literature
draptomania
they say he grows roses in the devil's garden
that he dances a clockwork vaudeville, a sinner's penance.
that he's a man of of dirty knees and sweaty palms,
howling a name that isn't mine. that he's
a special matter of calamity with a dormant heart and a lucent mind.
a hollow man, a transgression,
a bare and tremulous traveller
Literature
Sojourn
On the storm-tossed beach
One set of prints in the sand;
Waves wash them away
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I would love a critique on this. It's a little more emotional than my other work so I got a bit lost in the flow... could you tell me:
-One line you liked
-One line that didn't fit
-How you feel about the title (I think its awkward but I felt a "." wouldn't suffice )
-Anything you think I should change/work on
Thank you 
© 2014 - 2024 daybreaksmiles
Comments27
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I’m glad I found your writing - you gave me a llama, so I browsed your gallery, and found this gem. Here’s my critique:
The title really works well. It ties everything together. I think that titling a poem is a part of the writing process, so I’m not a fan of untitled works. I don’t think there’s a bad line. This work is universal yet personal; very concise, tightly packed with imagery and emotion that are intellectually satisfying. I hope that makes sense.
The title really works well. It ties everything together. I think that titling a poem is a part of the writing process, so I’m not a fan of untitled works. I don’t think there’s a bad line. This work is universal yet personal; very concise, tightly packed with imagery and emotion that are intellectually satisfying. I hope that makes sense.